Lucy Fry is a journalist and personal trainer, and she is training to be a psychotherapist. A former wellbeing columnist at the Sunday Telegraph and Easy Jet Traveller magazine, she has written widely on physical and mental health and is the author of Run, Ride, Sink or Swim: A rookie’s year in women’s triathlon. Lucy graduated from Oriel College, Oxford and has an MSc in Creative Writing from Edinburgh University.
Lucy lives in South London.
Interviews and Features
Interview with Lucy Fry
Continuing our Pride Month celebrations, this week we caught up with Lucy Fry and looked back at her memoir Easier Ways To Say I Love You.
Alex Thornber: I thought it would be fun to revisit Easier Ways to Say I Love You and was wondering where the first seeds of that project came from?
Lucy Fry: The project began as I tried to process some of my very intense sexual and romantic experiences about five years ago, during a specific time in my life where I felt like something enormous was happening in my life, both internally and externally. I used writing as a way of getting it out of my head. I never at that stage expected it to become a book, but then it grew, as I started to link up my current behaviours and desires with certain elements of my past. A memoir began to take hold. I was also reading lots of memoir at the time – female writers like Maggie Nelson, Ariel Levy and Deborah Levy and was massively inspired by their style and passion.
AT: The book is exquisitely honest, even about the uncomfortable parts, did you have to really push yourself to put it all on the page, or did you hold back at all?
LF: There is so much that I ended up cutting. People find that hard to believe because the book is so raw as it is, but really, I edited it a huge amount. I always try to write initially like nobody will read it, or at least not worry about that bit. Then, when I edit, I ask myself if any discomfort I feel about this being read is actually worth going through – does it make the work better? Might it help me and my readers grow in some way? Will it seriously harm another? Once I have answers to these questions I can choose whether to follow that discomfort through or cut certain bits. There’s no doubt that I experienced a re-visitation of a lot of shame when this book was published, though. Looking back, I wonder if I did put myself too far out there as it hurt a lot to hear some people’s reactions, but it felt essential at the time to be brutally honest.
AT: Your story is a vital addition to the wider narrative of queer lives but how has the book’s reception, or legacy, impacted you personally?
LF: I think sadly that the book wasn’t read by as many people as it might have been. I have however received some emails from people who were profoundly personally impacted by the story and the honesty. Even one email like that makes it feel worth the uncomfortable exposure, somehow. I do feel though that I’ve now moved on from that stage in my life and wouldn’t write in the same way again, or I don’t need to write about those same things anymore. It was certainly an excruciatingly healing act; painful, important, heart-opening.
AT: What has been the most rewarding part of the process for you?
LF: The most rewarding part was piecing the sections together in a way that fitted with my therapeutic process, rather than the way that suited narrative specifically. Or rather, it was about structuring something in an intuitive way that fits with the way that healing from trauma works, rather than suits a typical narrative structure. I love playing with form. I love finding new ways to tell stories.
AT: Are you working on anything at the moment?
LF: This year in February I had another non-fiction book published called Love and Choice. This book told a little of my story but mostly focused on the stories of others who had gone through difficult or eye-opening relationship journeys, and also incorporated my understanding and experience as a psychotherapist. It’s somewhere between narrative nonfiction and self development. Now I am playing around with ideas, figuring out where to go next.
AT: If you could recommend one book for people to read this pride month, what would it be?
LF: I think for me, The Dream House by Carmen Machado is one of the best memoirs I’ve ever read. It happens to be a queer memoir and that’s really important too, but I don’t want to say it’s one of the best queer memoirs as that implies it doesn’t stand up against any other memoirs in the same way, and it really, really does.
Easier Ways To Say I Love You is available now at all good bookshops and at Ethical Shop.
Living Apart with Love by Lucy Fry for The Gottman Institute
‘The space B and I need, to grieve and heal our twelve-year-long relationship, and to allow it to evolve, is being tightly squeezed by external pressures; widespread fear, a lack of work and all the usual things to do. Yet there is a sense running alongside this that we all need to be better, stronger, and more compassionate than ever! In essence, we are required to step up when we are feeling most like lying down, something that I suspect applies to each and every family, since being forced to remain in close proximity with loved-ones for weeks is arguably just as challenging as enforced separation or other complicated scenarios.
So we wait, and watch, and grow. Some families will become more unified, and others might break apart and reconfigure. One town under quarantine in China, Xi’an, reported unusually high divorce requests, and I suspect that isn’t a coincidence. Rather, these extraordinary circumstances will amplify all existing interpersonal dynamics – positive or negative – and it is our choice whether we wish to use this as an opportunity to notice and nurture such dynamics and do what’s necessary to help them shift.’
Lucy Fry discusses the pressures of COVID-19 lockdown on relationships for The Gottman Institute. Read in full here.
From surrendering to meltdowns, what being treated for addiction taught me about coping during lockdown
‘Eight and a half years ago I spent five weeks in quarantine, just outside London in an addictions treatment centre, in an attempt to give up drinking.
I’ll never forget that first, shocking week, when all the usual physical freedoms and emotional crutches were unceremoniously stripped away. I was not allowed a mobile phone or a computer, nor access to internet at any point. Meals were the same time every day, and snacks were strictly forbidden. There was no alcohol or caffeine, and nothing resembling a proper gym. Visitors were permitted, once a week, for just two hours. I could make one call, and take one walk each day, but neither for more than 30 minutes.
I raged and sobbed, a lot, in those five weeks, just as I have in these last three. Of course, it would be ridiculous to compare the enormous hardships that individuals and families are experiencing right now amidst Covid-19 to my rock bottom as an addict, or ensuing recovery….’
Read Lucy Fry’s article for iNews in full here. Lucy is author of Easier Ways to Say I Love You, available now.
What happened when my wife and I opened up our relationship by Lucy Fry for iNews
‘As a child I wanted to be many things including a writer, actress, cricketer, and a boy. I also imagined I might get married, and perhaps one day become a mother.
I certainly never dreamt of having two intimate relationships simultaneously, nor did I think it was an option.
Fast forward 30 odd years, though, and that’s what happened. I was eight years into a long-term monogamous relationship with B. One evening over dinner we both admitted that we would like, ideally, to explore attractions with other people whilst also continuing to love each other.’
Read Lucy’s article on monogamy and the challenges of a relationship for iNews.
Lucy Fry on Up the Arts Podcast
Journalist and author Lucy Fry talks to Up The Arts podcast about being stuck indoors and her new memoir, Easier Ways to Say I Love You for their inaugural show! Listen HERE.
'I was terrified of becoming a mum' Lucy Fry for Stylist magazine
‘When my wife, B, told me she was pregnant, over four years ago now, I felt numb and vaguely worried.
She was so excited and hopeful about the news. So why didn’t I share in that joy? Not only had she recently miscarried – and the remnants of that trauma were very much still hanging around, in different ways, for us both – but I had begun to wonder if parenthood was, really and truly, what I wanted.
I was obsessive about writing. I also loved weight training, yoga, and I was learning to hold a handstand. All of those things took up a lot of my time, requiring the kind of rested body and clear mind that I knew a baby would prevent. Was I about to lose all my independence, along with my ability to do everything that brought me joy?’
Lucy Fry questions her feelings towards motherhood and how they’ve changed since the birth of her son for Stylist magazine. Read in full.
This is the first year I... Lucy Fry on motherhood for Metro
‘It might sound strange, but here it is: this is my third Mother’s Day as a parent, but it feels like my first one as a mother.
I haven’t felt able to fully inhabit, or celebrate, my motherhood until now, for many reasons. Firstly, like many first-time parents, it took me a while to get a handle on the job requirements, and to recognise my capabilities. Some of this was because it wasn’t me, but my wife, who was pregnant, nor was it me who birthed our child. I’d never wanted to carry a baby, nor to give birth to one, and my wife always had, so the decision about who would be his birth mother was made fairly easily.’
Read the full Metro article by Lucy Fry, author of Easier Ways to Say I Love You.
Are polyamorous relationships the new dating norm in 2019? Lucy Fry for Stylist magazine
‘Can you be in love with more than one person at once? Polyamorous relationships are becoming the norm, with ‘thruple’ relationships showcased everywhere from 2017 hit film Professor Marston and the Wonder Women to Netflix’s The Politician. But what is it really like being polyamorous – and are there any pitfalls?’
Lucy Fry, author of Easier Ways to Say I Love You, investigates for Stylist magazine. Read in full HERE.
The Journey of Lucy Fry with Residence 11
Lucy Fry talks to Residence 11 about her upcoming memoir, Easier Ways To Love You, in which she openly discusses the affair she embarked on while her partner was pregnant with their first child.
‘I just wish that I’d had someone I could speak to, to give me a realistic view of what life for the long term partner is like, and how difficult it can be.
Early on in our relationship, we talked about separating for a bit so that I could have a chance to explore my sexuality—having only ever been with one woman really. I was too frightened of losing B. and all her support and all her love to do that.
I wish that we’d had the courage to do that before we have a child. I wish that we had been slower on the relationship escalator—to trust that we would have been okay.’
Read the interview in full HERE.